BIRTH

On Monday, November 7th, 2022, under the full blood moon, I gave birth to our little girl, Norah Michelle Dailey. I gave birth in our bedroom, filled with candles, sacred music, and birth art. I loved giving birth. No doubt it was intense during active labor and transition, but it was an amazing journey and a portal into a side of myself/a side of my brain I had never seen before. I felt relaxed, present, and cared for by an amazing team of women and my husband who trusted me, my body, and my baby. I feel deeply grateful for this experience and hope that sharing it will empower other women to see birth as a privilege and opportunity for deep healing and growth, rather than a fear-filled misfortune. 

Many people misunderstand homebirth. They believe it is either birthing on your own (that is called free birth), or birthing with a just doula (which is a birth support person and not a trained medical professional). For the right candidate, homebirth can be a wonderfully safe, empowered, and relaxing way to bring a child into the world. For our birth, we did have a doula. She was there to support me with pain management since I was choosing to birth naturally, and to be a support person for my husband so he could be more present with me during the birth. We also had a team of trained home-birth midwives who guided me over the course of the pregnancy and are highly skilled professionals within the birthing world. I had spent a lot of time educating myself, researching, and interviewing midwives prior to birth to ensure I felt aligned with their care.

I loved the guidance that was provided by these traditional midwives and felt that they spent a lot of intentional time with me over the course of my pregnancy. They reminded me to trust my instincts and my body. When it was time to give birth, I knew them so well. They became a wonderful circle of women who I trusted, felt safe with, and deeply supported by. 

Early labor is typically the longest phase of labor and the least intense. During early labor, I was able to move around the house, rest, snuggle the dog, cook, pick up, go outside, and watch comedy sketches. The goal was to stay distracted and keep my nervous system relaxed as I knew fear and stress would stall labor and make it more painful.

Contractions felt exactly like waves that would rush over me, peak, and then wash away. They started very gentle and increased in intensity over time. They required focus and active relaxation in-between. There was something reassuring about the fact that they would disappear. I kept reminding myself that they were temporary. 

Most of my day was spent in early labor, and by late afternoon, I could tell things were starting to shift in intensity and the contractions required more focus. I became less able to initiate other tasks and became fully focused on the contractions and relaxing in between. I also kept repeating positive mantras to keep my mind in a grounded and empowered place. One of my favorites was “Contractions are not stronger than me because they are part of me.”

Our doula came over and she was wonderfully helpful in managing the sensations of the contractions as they intensified and became closer in time. She rubbed my back with oil, gently stretched me in side-lying positions, and put cool peppermint towels on the back of my neck. Her caring touch kept me relaxed and I felt comfort in her presence. Active labor was the most intense (however it is typically the shortest phase of labor). During Norah’s birth, this phase was around two hours before the baby began to transition (transition is the phase when the baby begins to move out the vaginal canal.) I frequently changed positions from laying in the bed, bouncing on a yoga ball, leaning over the vanity counter, and using the toilet, and the shower. I attribute the speed and comfort of my labor to my ability to move my body freely and at my own will. Since I did not need to be hooked up to anything, I was able to listen to my instincts and allow my body to move around the room. I guided myself into positions that aided in the management of the contractions and the baby moving down/out. 

The midwives arrived for transition and helped me shift positions to open my pelvis even more. This was the most intense part of the labor and I do remember some of it being painful. However, it wasn’t anything one couldn’t handle. Again I reminded myself, this was temporary. The more I surrendered to sensation, the faster baby would arrive.

When we practice relaxing the body and mind during birth, it reduces the arousal of the prefrontal cortex and accesses a more primal part of the brain. I noticed this and found it to be a fascinating experience (in retrospect). I wasn't over-thinking, I wasn't fearful of the pain, I was completely present with sensation. I was animalistic in a way, living on instinct rather than intellect. I was able to feel exactly what was going on in my body and what it needed. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I was fully consumed in the self. It was the ultimate practice of yoga.

I experienced something called “fetal ejection reflex” which is when the body begins to push the baby out on its own. This only happens in natural childbirth as many interventions often change the hormonal chemistry in the body. I had no control at this point and it was wild to observe my body take over and bear down so that the baby could move out. This happened around eight times before the baby emerged, a total of 25 minutes! It was fast, primal, and intense. 

The amazing thing about natural childbirth is that after giving birth, the body is flooded with the hormone oxytocin. This is the same hormone that initiates the “fetal ejection reflex.” When the body gets flooded with oxytocin, it reduces pain. The minute Norah came out and I held her, I felt absolutely zero pain in my body. Only utter bliss and euphoria that lasted for about 24 hours. There is also some type of wild amnesia that happened to me after birth as well. It felt like someone did a factory reset on my brain and I completely forgot what the sensations and pain of active labor felt like. Holding our baby girl in our arms was our proudest accomplishment and it was filled with so much love. I will never forget that experience.

I believe every woman has the right to choose how they decide to birth. Every woman is different and every birth is different. However, it saddens me that as I’ve shared my birth story, many people have told me it is an anomaly. Particularly the fact that I enjoyed my labor and birth, that it was fast, manageable, and left me feeling strong and powerful. I did not experience any significant birth injuries and healed quickly.

It saddens me to know that most women see childbirth as something scary and even as a misfortune. Something they dread or want to avoid. When did we start seeing hard things in life as a misfortune rather than an opportunity for growth? When did we start allowing fear to rule our bodies and our mindset? Doesn't every woman and baby deserve the right to birth/be birthed in an empowered way? 

Facing anything unknown is scary. But I wish that the common dialogue was about how women are made to do this. Women are literally BUILT to birth. We are 100% capable of birthing our babies. If our dialogue around birth became more positive, maybe women would experience more positive outcomes from their birth process. 

Of course there are medical emergencies we cannot avoid and women who have complex medical cases. That will always be a reality and thank goodness for the amazing medical professionals we have to manage these cases. It is a privilege to live in a country that has lifesaving, clean, medical care. But what if we’ve over-medicalised a very natural process? What if we all believed in ourselves, in our instincts, our bodies, and our babies? What if we trusted ourselves as our strongest expert instead of giving our power away to someone else? Would our birth experiences look different? Would our cultural dialogue around birth change? 

I pose these questions as these are things I am reflecting on after my birth. I am not an anomaly. I am a normal woman who worked on her fear around birth. Who shifted her mindset and taught herself to trust her body and her personal power. A woman who spent time caring for her body, practicing presence, sitting with her own discomfort, and relaxing her nervous system. Anyone is capable of doing that. Especially women.